


No Rest For The Wicked

by AnnyFay



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Rush (2013)
Genre: Formula 1, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Launt, M/M, Rathunt - Freeform, i did not intend to make it so dark, no, this was supposed to be funny., why i keep hurting myself, wtf went wrong with this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnyFay/pseuds/AnnyFay
Summary: In which James kisses Niki in front of everyone after winning the 1976 Championship.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Alright guys, so this is another oneshot I wrote for my fave otp of all time aaaaaaaand  
> It turned out to be quite different from what I imagined, but I believe sometimes the story guides the writer and not the other way round.  
> Anyway, I'm pleased with that and I hope you enjoy reading this little work of mine <3

James won the 1976 World Driver's Championship.

Niki abandoned the race, but kept watching.

He heard the noise, the cheers and joy from McLaren's crew. For Ferrari, resignation overwhelmed the silent mechanics and engineers. No one would say it, not after what Niki had gone through. He wouldn't mention it either. Too ashamed, too blemished.

He was about to leave. Parties weren't exactly his thing, so there was no reason to stay. There was no reason to leave.

Niki went from one side to the other of his garage, collecting his belongings in a rather disorganized manner. At some point, he noticed a strange fuzz just outside Ferrari's boxes. For a moment or two, he wondered if he should go there himself and check it out, but Niki was not one for acting out of curiosity. He stood there, ambling, hoping the skies would crash and the whole world would eventually explode.

 And it did. Sort of.

Someone stormed into the garage. By the time Niki turned around to look at it, James Hunt was already too close. The Austrian could see the interviewers being held up by some of the mechanics outside the garage, and that was it before feeling James' thin lips roughly pressed against his. He could not move, or close his petrified, spooky eyes. Niki watched the whole ten seconds it took until he realized he had to act, pushing the blond with a palm on his chest and shaking his head repeatedly, as if it would somehow clear his thoughts from what had just happened.

James was already giving attention to his crowd just outside _Niki's space_. It was Niki's fucking garage and Hunt had turned it into some kind of circus like he had done the entire season. The Austrian was so eager to see himself free from the shadow of their rivalry and public quarrels, but then the bloody Brit had to do his last big act just before the end of the season, didn't he?

That was it. Niki stood there, and one could say James carved a statue of him and replaced the real Lauda with it. He became part of the scene, the flashes from the cameras, the questions being shouted at him… he was in his safe, scrutiny-proof bubble of despair and perplexity.

Fucking James Hunt.

 

~

 

The fuzz was all around their scandalous kiss. No one really cared about the Championship, let alone Niki's accident. Suddenly the burns on his face were imperceptible, but people still looked at him as if they'd rather turn their eyes to something else. The reason changed, the feeling of embarrassment certainly didn’t. In fact, it grew stronger when he didn't receive any explanation from the blond. He went to Spain to enjoy his vacation and didn't return any of the Austrian's angry calls. Niki certainly felt rejected, as if he had been left at the ball. The media was asking; everyone wanted a glimpse of Niki's side of the story, but he had none to give.

As days passed, the blurred memory of the event failed to fade from Niki's mind. He relived it over and over again, and caught himself imagining what would have happened if only they had had time and privacy.

It was atypical for Niki to wonder over things that could never be true. He was not one for delusions and daydreams. It was not a matter of dreaming, though, was it?

Still, he could feel James' warm lips on his own, the initially despiteful taste of gin became a sweet reminder of to whom that mouth belonged. It was eternally carved into his damaged reminiscences. Niki could not put his finger on it, but somewhere between that tragically eventful season, he fell cautiously in love with James. Even though he was an arsehole.

Or _archsloch_ if you prefer.

 

~

 

"You're not thinking straight, Niki." Ronnie would try to talk him down on the phone. "We're talking about James Hunt."

"I have to go." The Austrian simply replied. There was no turning back as he stood in front of the blond's house - or would it be a mansion? - in London, once knowing he was back.

He rang the bell several times, knocked until numbing his fingers and, as he prepared to give up, the door suddenly opened. James was standing there, ill-kempt hair, loose sweatshirt and jeans. And flip-flops.

"Niki! I thought you would never come over." He shouted, grinning sarcastically. "Do come in, please."

The Austrian didn't yet get out of his perplex state. He kept looking around, playing with his fingers and biting his lower lips. They went into the living room where a fireplace burned cosily, the crackling sound comforting Niki's impatience.

"You haven't been here in a while." James spoke. He let Niki walk past him and stayed at the threshold.

"Eventful year." It was all Niki dared say.

"I didn't even had the opportunity to speak to you properly after the accident." James never sounded so gloomy, regretful even. The Austrian gave a silent laugh, his thoughts wandering over which accident would Hunt be referring to.

"You surely had time to speak to me."

This was not the way he planned to approach the issue, but the words flew from his mouth with far more inadequacy than he wished. It certainly did not help when silence filled the room and James said nothing as though Niki’s angry response was purely unimportant.

He gave some steps in the Austrian’s direction, stopping just a meter or so from him. James muttered: “I wish I could explain to you wh…”

"Were you at least concerned about the consequences that could bring to me?" Niki rushed. James suddenly stopped, swallowing hard. The bright, clear eyes gazing at him were eventually turning darker, murkier.

He had to do something about it. James was not used to care about the other’s opinion on his behaviour, but Niki’s disappointment was unbearably poignant and he no more could stand that.

“I was at the podium. I looked around and you weren’t there, so it all became meaningless.” He started. The words weren’t quite easy to be found, and certainly it was not a wonderful explanation since he couldn’t even understand it perfectly himself. “I told myself I had to go after you, so I did.”

Niki made an attempt to mutter something, to ask for a clearer reason, but his mouth was dry and he kept looping through his memories trying to find evidences, specific moments proving they shared something beyond friendship and competitive rivalry. He felt the sincerity in James' words, felt the way his body cringed because it was truly hard to be honest. And he was being honest.

He didn’t bat an eyelid when James’ hand reached out to his own, it was like he couldn’t really say yes or no –go ahead or away  -, so instead of this, he waited.

This was when their second kiss happened. Unlike the first one, they were both willing to go all the way - in every possible meaning.

 

James thought it would be nice to cook them some breakfast while the other was still asleep. He had never done that to anyone, but preferred not to rationalize how romantically silly it would look like.

He was preparing coffee when Niki entered the kitchen. His eyelids were still heavy above his eyes.

James tried to concentrate on anything else apart from the fact Niki was wearing his blue sweatshirt, the oversized one that looked even bigger in the Austrian. He bit his lower lip, glancing at the marvellous sight. The other soon realized what was happening and blushed intensely.

"I was feeling cold".

James grinned, letting go a whispering giggle.

"Sure, love".

Niki felt an immeasurable urge to argue over this. He sure as hell didn't allow Hunt to call him "love" whatsoever. They had a strict line that dictated how much affection could flow between the two of them. He, however, agreed it was enough to let go a disapproving sigh while taking a sip of the coffee recently put in front of him.

“Going to take a shower, want to join?”

"I'll skip it." Niki mumbled. His already grumpy expression was actually pretty funny to James, a constant reminder of who the other was, of his unique temper that could send waves of shiver through the blond's entire body.

Niki watched as he climbed the stair. Something caught his attention, then. He looked towards the origin of the sound, a TV on the counter's left edge was transmitting a review of last year's Formula One season. Usually, Lauda would turn his head or switch the channel because he was just too inside it to care about people's opinion from the outside. However, it was Hunt's shinny face being caught on camera while giving an interview. The lady promptly asked him: "what was that with Niki?" It was as simple a question as it could be. Judging the circumstances, no one could understand much of that scene to elaborate a better one.

Niki sank into the stool, his eyes blinked fast even though he swore nevermore to fear anything.

"I was so high I don't actually remember much of that day. Niki is not my type, though. You, on the other hand…"

The Austrian couldn't really see much of the interviewer, only that she was a brunette with slightly sun tanned skin. James changed instantly to his flirting mode, dreamy smile, nonchalant eyes. Niki switched it off immediately. The feeling in the pit of his stomach frightened him to death. For him, jealousy was always a despiteful thing to feel since no one should belong to anyone. And even after the night before, he did not want to pursue a relationship with the blond. That didn't mean he hoped the other would understand that.

Niki went to James’ bedroom upstairs. He could hear the water running down in the shower, the Englishman sang a ridiculously catchy song. Niki put his clothes and rushed out of there. He could not quite explain to himself why he felt the urge to get away, but he trusted his instincts when they said he was well off for wounds.

 

~

 

Nürburgring was judged unsafe because… well, it was. They did not race there the following years, moving to Hockemheim. The 1984 European Grand Prix, however, held the Green Hell’s comeback.

Niki looked at the clock hung in the hotel room’s wall. In the dark, he could barely see the hands indicating it was three in the morning. He sighed, frustrated. Sleeping was important to prevent accidents, but the thought of suffering an accident prevented him from getting any sleep. Sometimes, it was hard to keep his mind from wondering why on earth he had not yet retired for good.

The room was too damn hot. He felt being smothered by his own fear, but not in a million years would Niki Lauda admit he was having a panic attack. He opened the glass door to the balcony, stumbling to get to its metal fence. The wind blew smoothly, for a minute or two he stood there: deeply breathing, eyes closed.

“Can't sleep either?”

He would have probably died of a heart attack if he wasn’t so dizzy and nauseous to actually care. Niki looked in the direction of that familiar voice, just to his right. It was James Hunt who happened to be in the room next to his. They used to share hotel rooms all the time back in the 70’s, but now they barely saw each other. Hunt wasn’t a threat to Niki anymore regarding the Championship and the public kiss was a memory seven years away. James stopped racing in 1979, he had no reason to be in Germany at the time.

But there he was. Smoking a cigarette, chilling in the night’s cold atmosphere.

“C'mere.” Hunt mumbled. Niki noticed a tiny bottle of whisk in his left hand.

“No, not doing that.” The Austrian replied. He could feel his pulse going back to normal, his body temperature cooling.

“Alright, then.”

The simple, resigned response from James clearly didn’t convince Niki. But he could not keep his chin from dropping all the way to the ground and his eyes from almost popping out of his face as Hunt leaned towards his balcony, raising one leg until it reached the other side of the fence, then doing the same with the other, and suddenly James was with both hands holding tightly to the fence as his body swung by the gap between his balcony and Niki’s. It was not so much of a big jump, but the Austrian almost lost it watching while Hunt performed his act of effort just to get to the other’s hotel room.

“Are you insane?! You could've fallen, arsehole.” Niki exclaimed, exasperated. The blond got to his side, looking deeply into the other’s turquoise eyes as he whispered:

“Are you worried about me?”

Niki shrugged, made his typical I-give-zero-fucks face.

“The police would think I pushed you.”

“They’d think I committed suicide. Anyway, you would still be guilty.” James offered him a cigar. Niki glanced at him, suspicious, but decided to take it in the end.

“Shoud I know why?”

“Because I was honest with you that day in my house and you treated us like a one night stand.”

Niki shivered when hearing the “us” part. It still didn’t make sense in his mind how a relationship could happen between the two of them. Recalling that day, it was, however, impossible not to see a bond he himself had damaged the minute he walked out of James’ mansion.

They were too hurt to begin again, and also hurt enough not to care with one or two more wounds.

“How did you know in which room I was? This is confidential information as far as I’m concerned.” Niki tried to shift the other’s attention to something else. The atmosphere suddenly softened, but it was still tangible the angst lingering in the air. The Austrian saw with the corner of his eyes as James swallowed hard and made an effort to sustain a smile.

“Let’s just say I have loads of money and a pretty face.”

They shared a cold, idle laugh. As seconds became minutes, they stood there, wondering if things would ever go back to normal. However, they never really had a normal friendship after all, never really had anything normal.

“What happened back then?” James asked.

What would he say? That he saw a stupid interview about their kiss and of course he didn’t expect Hunt to declare himself there but it still hurt like hell to know it would never happen even if Niki would get extremely pissed off if it did and it’s not about what happened but about what didn’t and all the things they didn’t say to each other and all the time they didn’t spend together because the Universe was moving forward and it wouldn’t wait for Niki to make a goddamn decision?

“I thought it through… realised we weren’t going anywhere.” He finally said.

The blond sighed, his clenched fists turned white, but he would not let anger take control.

“You’re so full of shit”

 _I know_ , Niki mentally responded. In any other occasion he would get insanely mad at James for calling him a liar, but they were so far from who they used to be.

The Austrian leaned against the fence, bowing his head until James couldn’t see his eyes anymore. He stood there for as long as he could until Hunt rested a hand on his back. Niki didn’t object, but by the look on his face James could tell that, in fact, he was too tired to argue over anything else.

“You should seriously get some sleep.”

“I can’t.” Niki panted. James’ cold touch was smothering him to death. “I’m petrified. There’s not a single cell in my body that is not afraid or at least concerned with the possible outcome of this weekend. I can tell you how much pain I can endure and, believe me, it’s a lot, but I can’t endure the thought of going through all of that again… seeing you winning my races as I got my lungs ripped apart and rebuilt all at once because you or any other stupid, egocentric driver didn’t raise their hand when I asked for the race to be cancelled. And now it’s just too fucking late, James. Too fucking late to make things right when everything has already gone to pot.”

Niki had never blamed James with so many words for his accident before. They had never even talked about it properly prior to that moment. James’ face was even paler in the moonlight, and his eyes were darker than Niki remembered them to be.

“I’m sorry we’re not young enough to be willing to take risks, to have the courage to see if this works out and not be afraid if it doesn’t. I should have realised sooner what I felt for you.” James whispered.

Niki had had a tough time back in 1972 when things with March weren’t working out and he had run out of money. He was ashamed to admit it, but those situations put him under so much pressure that the only way out was doing a drastic act, a liberating one. At that time, Niki had thought about suicide. He had considered it the best option and given himself a year to turn his life around or end it. Then James Hunt got into Formula One. They shared a flat and one of the most remarkable rivalries in motorsport. And Niki forgot how it was to feel empty and insignificant.

But it was all happening again, the despair, the pain, and yet numbness slaughtering his senses. He needed to take once again a drastic act, except this time he had James just too close.

His lips were cold and motionless at first. Niki’s right hand laid on the curve of the blond’s neck while his left one softly caressed his golden locks. The Austrian had never been so open about his feelings, so unafraid of expressing them with touches and kisses and embraces. And it hurt James’ soul to death because he knew it: It wasn’t a surrender, it was a goodbye.

Instead of pushing Niki away and getting out of that mess which could possibly wound him forever unlike any other car accident he had ever been involved in, James stayed. He kissed back even if it tasted bitter. He took Niki to bed and insisted he should get some sleep, though they were both pleading for more. He laid by his side, kept brushing constantly the hair that fell over his cheekbone. The scars over Niki’s forehead didn’t disturb James anymore, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking:

“Do they still hurt?”

Niki took a deep breath, closed his eyes as he felt the cold tip of James’ fingers.

“I don’t think they’ll ever stop.”

 

~

 

He wasn’t expecting to find Niki anywhere in that room when he woke up, so disappointment wasn’t the correct word to explain how James felt when he found himself alone in the next morning.

 

~

 

Niki finished fourth.

The racing drivers went out to get a drink. They wouldn’t miss out on Germany’s authentic brew, and the fact the season was just about to end called for a celebration.

Niki held a conversation with Piquet and Rosberg about grey and red squirrels in England because they were tipsy enough to enjoy this topic. Leaning against the jukebox and considerably enjoying a scotch, James creepily stared at them. He couldn’t keep his eyes from constantly being drawn to the Austrian, his thoughts from dwelling in the moments they shared the night before. He was happy, however, to see the other so weightless and carefree like he hadn’t seen in a while.

James came to realise he was a part of Niki’s past and nothing more. Whatever he wished to have with him was too far gone.

Niki soon noticed the weight of the blond’s eyes upon him. They shared a gaze for an uncertain amount of time, as if there was no one else in the room.

James raised his glass in the other’s direction, silently cheering what he could only consider as a victory. Niki didn’t feel that way at all.

The Englishman then headed to the backdoor of the pub. Somehow he knew Niki would follow him no matter what. The door shut behind them, silence filled the gaps between glances and unspoken words. The Austrian was tempted to break the quietness, but what was left to say when everything had already been said?

“You’re three times World Champion then?” James had a smirk on his face and a light tone of voice.

“Not yet.  In Germany they say ‘ _Man soll den Tag nicht vor dem Abend loben‘_ “

“Oh Niki, you know I love it when you talk german and I can’t understand shit don’t you?” James ironized. The brunette held back a smile by biting his lower lip. Hunt didn’t need any other reason to fall for him, so he looked away.

“It means you shouldn’t praise the day before the evening. I need a second place at least, otherwise I’ll be counting on Alain and you know how much I hate that.” James wanted to tell Niki he knew so much more. He knew there were decisions the other had made that weren’t quite right, but he insisted on telling the press he did not regret anything when in fact he did. James knew what he really meant is that it was the same situation he found himself in when he retired from the Japanese Grand Prix a billion years ago and was faced with the possibility of losing the Championship if Hunt got third place – which he did. Maybe they could finally work this out if only James could tell him how much he knew about absolutely anything instead of only nodding in agreement.

"So that's it?"

Niki had been avoiding eye contact up until then, but he allowed himself to look deep into the other's eyes just enough to be sure which response would be the most adequate.

"I'm sorry about last night. It shouldn't have happened."

 _Which part?_ James felt compelled to ask. They fell into silence again, the coolness in Niki's demeanour was freezing him to death.

"None of it should have." The blond didn't believe in those words, but they were the right ones to say in that moment.

He could not stand it anymore. He needed to leave before it became unbearable, needed to leave with his broken heart and twisted mind as soon as possible.

James turned around and started to walk away. He had one last thing to say, however.

"Niki?"

The Austrian had his hand on the door handle, though he was not prepared to leave. He stood there, looking at James and patiently waiting for him to say whatever he wished to say.

"I heard the scientists are coming up with this nonsense idea of a myriad of universes where we are totally different versions of who we are in here. I bet you are a barista and I'm a salesman in one of them. I bet there's a universe in which we stayed together."

There were so many words crawling up the walls of Niki's throat, being trapped in the edge of it to the point he did not say anything, though he had _everything_ to say.

"It’s nice to think that, isn't it?" The blond said at last.

Niki looked down to his own feet and then back to James, but he was already gone.

**Author's Note:**

> SO SORRY, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE
> 
> I'm totally open to criticism, comments of any kind or even a simple hello. Love y'all.


End file.
